Goody morning post!

image

Hallo and goody morning to all the aliens out there!
I’m going to try to start posting some inspirational and motivational posts every morning! It helps me but maybe it will inspire and help you all too!

Know that time heals almost everything so give the time some time. If you are going through trial and tribulations everything will fall in place in due time. Everything happens for a reason even if you can not seem to grasp the reason why it happens. Just remember that time will always be there to place a bandage over your wounds. Time is like a natural Neosporin! Lol
Namaste

~Eyelashes!~

eyelashes

Your eyes are getting redder now
And I’m suffocating in your tears
I fall upon your cheek dear child
But you you whip me away
You don’t whip away pain

I am long as the milky way
but I’m falling in space because
you are losing me in time. Like
the birds i can fly: I’m your feathers-
the wings on your eyes.

So don’t you dare put on that
black chalk: it’s like an oil spill
with their lies mixed together
The oceans cover your eyes
and now your blind to the truth

It’s been way too long and your
beauty will last forever
ever
ever….

Suffocation

He is closed in by
a projection of memories that haunt,
a collage that is painted with strokes of violence,
a portrait of himself taken by the hands of the weak,
and a looking glass that shows the changes in his eyes.

These walls
are slowly pushing in
with the hands of his victims
that want to torture his mind.
He grips his hair and his changing eyes start

To bleed the blood
that he has taken from innocent people.
His body can not take the evil
coursing through his veins
like too much liquor from a drunken night.

His blood turns
into acid and he starts shaking in freight.
He sees the victims floating
over his head like clouds without day light.
They scratch his skin and they rape his insides.

They take his heart,
thaw it from it’s coldness
and they burned it to ashes
like he burned some of their bodies “for fun”.
They wanted to show him that what he has done

Is wrong.
He pleaded and said that, “She was showing her skin and her body was calling my came.”
He pleaded and said that, “She wanted me but she was playing little head games.”
He pleaded and said that, “He was a little faggot and I needed to show him how to be a man.”
He pleaded and said that, “She was talking to me like I was a little boy and I needed to show her that I am her dad.”

“But once they started crying
and I looked into their eyes
I did what I had to do to stop their pain
but I clicked out and wanted to have fun
so I set their bodies to flames.”

His hallucinations
were the death of him
when in reality he choked
on his own guilt in his sleep.
He was only 22 doing the things that he saw on TV.

“I am just so tired.”

My mother is in her late forties and she is living off of her twenty year old daughter who does not live with her. I am sixteen living with a stranger who is suppose to take care of me. There is a problem there and i think i am the only one that see it.
I need a book to read for summer reading(very important for IB). The book does not cost over $20 dollars but my mother can’t seem to find the money to buy it. She can find the money to buy lottery tickets to lift up her pipe dreams, she can find the money to get her hair done to impress worthless men, she can find the money to stay out until 3:00 sometimes 5:00 in the morning like a careless teen while i watch my nephew-he is 3, she can find the money to go out to eat and leave me home with an empty stomach, she can find the money to take care of herself. She is selfish. Out of all of the money my mother has, she can’t seem to find a $20 to give to me.
I have asked for love, and i do not get that.
I have asked for freedom, and i do not get that.
I have asked to be alone and i can not get that.
I have asked her why she treats me the way she does and i do not get an answer.
I have asked if she loves me, and i get a stare. A cold, yet cloudy stare that penetrates my heart. It is like she does not know the answer her self. She only knows what she was taught and what she has seen. Not what she has learned or what she has felt. To me, i feel like she has seen what it is to be a mother but she has not learned how to be one or know how it feels to become one. I watch her in awe. I am afraid of her movements but i learn her technique so that i can avoid conflict. I feel like i am a soldier in a never ending war who is always looking over my shoulder, afraid of getting hit.
It is scary to live with someone who is so careless with their heart and even more careless with their words. The feeling of freight is embarrassing to me actually. Embarrassing enough to hide my feelings under my body’s armor but if she would look in my eyes she would know. I think. We don’t look into each others’ eyes. I guess we are both afraid of finding out something about each other that we aren’t truly prepared to know. Or maybe it is that feeling of embarrassment.
The one thing that haunts me though, is that she can laugh and pretend like all of the hurt she has caused did not ever happen. Like i dreamed it all but i know that i didn’t! I guess i wouldn’t want anyone to remember pain that they have caused or been through, but if she would acknowledge it then i things between us would be awesome. If she would just say a simple, “I am sorry” everything would become ten times better. From going to a psych ward, going through so many “sit downs” and “talks” with different social workers and psychiatrists, and having different prescriptions of medicine you would think that she would admit to the agony she has put my body and mind through. Well, i thought she would and sadly i was disappointed-like always.
Sometimes, i get worried. Not because of my chemical imbalances but because this treatment is what i am used to. During my vital years of growing and learning, the way she has raised me is absorbed and stitched into my subconscious mind;It is hard to program your subconscious mind. All of the torment that i had to live through has shaped me into this form of a being that i do not want to be. I am trying so hard to shape myself into the me i want to be; i am meditating, praying, finding my balance and things to attune with my harmony, living by peaceful logic, gaining enlightenment everyday, gaining more wisdom, finding my calling, helping people renew their lives, and being me! I feel so invigorated but i still feel restricted. I guess it wouldn’t be so hard if my mother would just let me go. Weird? I know! She has a hold on me and i do not know why! I think that she likes what she puts me through sometimes and other times i think that something is eating at her, as if there is something that she wants to tell me. Maybe it is what i have been waiting for all of this time…an apology that is dripping from the tip of her tongue. Maybe it is just that mother/daughter thing that connects us together. You know, that feeling that you can’t explain but it is there living and breathing within you. That feeling that is stored inside of you since birth. Or maybe it can just be my age. Well, with all of this stored in my brain i am afraid that i am going to turn out like my mother when i have children…if i have children. I see my sister with her child and she treats him horribly! When i see her with him, i feel like i am watching my mother with my sister when she was young, how my sister used to treat me, and how my mother treated me when i was younger. Horrible, the sight! I just hope that since i have gained so much wisdom and that i have such an open mind that i can learn from them and be the mother i want to be. I mean it can happen, right? I have learned from their mistakes already and i love the person i am becoming. We are completely different…
I have to say that even though i am ranting on about my mother, sister, and somewhat about my life it does not bother me as much as it did about a year ago and all the time before that. Actually, it hardly bothers me at all but when i think about us and things that have happened, so many memories and images just start pouring out. Normally i drain them out on paper but these memories and images have poured through. I think that if i say this and post it, i can finally let it go. I don’t know but i will see. I do not know who is going to read this-probably no one-but i just had to type whatever came to mind. This post might seem a little jumbled but i typed what was inside of me. I typed whatever needed to come out, you know? Gladly, it wasn’t that much so that means that there isn’t much pain left. I am just tired of asking questions and caring. I am tired of worrying about my future because of a fucked up childhood i had. I am just so tired.

A woman’s Scorn

ImageMy hips sway
side to side
like a pendulum on
a Grandfather Clock
that decorates
an antique living room
keeping the beat of
the soulful jazz
that flows between my legs
I am woman.

When I lie
down at night
my body transforms into
the Nile River of Anguish
Carrying along a
raft of my ancestors
trying to escape
the numbers
escape the eyes
that forcefully penetrate
so that my Africa
can peacefully let
my Nile River
flow into an
open sea of
blood that links
every woman
in the universe
to a lineage that connects
us to the history
of dark days
when there was
one entity but two
beings
We are women, strong and endlessly changing

I was taught
to disguise
my face, smile,
cook, clean, dress
(in heels)
for “my man”
while my body is
undergoing
changes with the
phases of the
moon. My Pandora’s Box
is filled
with luminous
Rubies
Oops, I was taught
to keep that a
secret
in fear that
“my man”
will not recognize
them as treasure
because they
are not diamonds
or pearls
in fear that
I will not be strong
enough
I am woman, strong and endlessly changing

My mood
changes like the
seasons
in one day. My
stomach swells up
bigger than
a blimp
yet, I smile

We, women,
can wear a
tie, button down shirt,
blazer, slacks,
heels, while
our stomachs are
bloated, while
our mood changes
with the phases
of the moon,
while our
soulful jazz Rubies
are flowing from
our Africa
and while our smile
is dangerously
imprinted on
our disguises
We are women, strong and endlessly changing

Life of a Father

In his life, times are rougher than sand paper.
They are grinding against the grain of his skin
turning it into piles of dust.
The people he once loved blew it away
like the seeds on a dandelion.
He has no one to trust
No hearts to pour his elixirs of emotions into
Instead they seep through holes
storming down on umbrellas that protect people from his
love.

In his life, love is a subject that he will never master.
He is illiterate to stitch his heart back together
and no one else will.
He stares down at the needle and yarn
begging for a piece of mind
and a piece heal
ing. He wants to cry but he is a man and he was taught
to smear masculinity over a portrait of pain.
He was taught to stand on the skulls of his
defeat.

In his life, defeat is a monster clawing at his feet from under the bed
He tries to think about melodic lullabies
while he counts sheep with his fingers.
Defeat haunts him in his nightmares
raping his mind of the man he once was,
but he will always be a father figure
to his children that he will always love.
He walks for miles with the world on his shoulders
as if it were two pales of water he needs to give to his
family.

In his life, family is a knife that stabs him in the back.
His “family” is like a fallen star that silently attacks
his wallet. They are fools that are greedy
for money in the midst of fortune.
They love him for his dollar signs
and don’t bother to see that he is needy
for affection. He is growing older every minute
and wiser every hour. He looks at the glass as half full
instead of half empty. He is a soldier
A father.

Bird Song

dead bird, faded

There was a bird,
That was soaring through drunken days and sober nights.
It’s wings,
Were fluttering gracefully, making the winds cry.

That bird,
Was beginning to loose its flight.
It’s wings,
Were punctured by an arrow that shot through the layers of blind light.

That bird
Lost its balance with harmony by falling from grace, falling from biblical height
It’s wings,
Were broken like the promises that were made from it’s beak.

That bird,
Was a decaying corpse of manipulation in sight.
It’s wings,
Were turning into ashes from the colour of pure white.

That bird,
Rotted away for seventeen years, it’s fears turned into spite.
It’s wings,
Shriveled up like skin on a dead body floating in the immortal night.

That bird,
Lived with regretful whispers that broke down it’s might.
It’s wings,
Were like closets, filled up to capacity with weights that made the bird weak.

Titles !!

Image 

My opinion is, is that being a human we are scared of the unknown. Do not get me wrong, there are some people out there who are fearless and can take living in a dark room, but most of us can’t. But as a human, we are also afraid of the truth because it destroys our illusions. Some of us steer clear of the truth by walking with one eye covered – sometimes both. This leads us to titles. We give people titles! Why ? My guess is, is that we do not know what  this suspected thing is, so we assume to relieve us from fear. We brand to fit in so we won’t have the fear of being alone or being outcasts.  We make these allegations our truths, and by doing this we are making our illusions become our reality . Does that make sense? Throughout history, people have been given titles that they do not deserve ! Like the Jews, or “witches” , the African Americans , even women and more.

 Many witches were killed by “Christians” for no reason at all. Thousands of people have died during the burning times and Salem Witch Trials because they were different. They were outcasts and because they believed in Pagan gods, they were not normal. Everyone’s normal is different . That is what makes us human. Well, at least one reason that makes us human, in my opinion! The Bishops and Priests had no reason, no right, to kill as many people as they did; but they did and for what ? Because they did not worship the God that the Christians did ? Which, by the way was influenced from Jewish religion and from earlier religions too. The bible was manipulated and for that reason, innocent people died-adults and children! Some of the people accused weren’t even witches, probably. They did not investigate to find the truth because they were too busy torturing, burning, and hanging people. It disgusts me. Now, do not get me wrong, i am not an opposed to Christianity but i am opposed to the people who have manipulated the religion and the bible to be what it is not. That is not fair, that is not right, but it happened and for this reason we should be a better world, society, and we should be better people….but we aren’t.

We are giving more titles to people today who do not deserve them such as: Fat, crazy, gay or faggot, and more. We, as humans, are not defined by titles. We define them!! That makes a complete difference in a lot of things that the next person does not seem to understand! I wrote a poem called Meds. I stopped taking them because i am not a big person of medicine, i would like to use herbal essences to heal me. The medicine only took away the pain for a little while. They made me feel different ; i did not feel like myself anymore- i felt robotic. Anyways, i said that ,”The labels on a medicine bottle does not define me, i define it.” I am not depressed because you or the black and white ink says so, i am depressed because i have made myself feel this way. Make sense ? Therefore, a witch is not an evil, devil worshiping , God opposing, hating , demon befriending person as people make them seem. That is there title though, so to some people that is all that matters. A witch is a nature loving, Deity worshiping, non-believer in A DEVIL, with positive energy and sometimes more Christian than the next. So, again why were they slaughtered ?!!! Because of their title. If you take away the title, they were people. Those bishops, priests, and sheep (common people) killed people ! They were human beings that had families, hearts, children, husbands, wives etc; Human beings that were only killed because of a title. The killers have put all of their ignorance on these people’s lives just like they do with the “devil” . I am starting to believe that a devil only exists because people needed someone to blame for things that they did not know about because they were uneducated. Simple as that. Now, i could be wrong and i am open to changing my mind but this is how i feel now.

Looking at today, many people are educated and many people have common sense to use their logic, but we are are so accustomed to false teachings that this ignorance is all we know ( not all people ). Nothing has changed, except for the time and the amount of money to buy food to put in children’s mouths to the amount of money being put in the governments pockets freely. I am so angry, but i do not have a voice. The first amendment is shit now , and it always has been. The constitution is shit now and always has been. Even with slavery and women’s suffrage…titles have been giving and help hasn’t. 

African Americans were slaves because of their lack of knowledge. They danced around fires praising gods and goddesses that made them feel one with religion, earth, and their selves. They were given the title “savages” or “niggers”. If i can recall, we were all once savages once in our lifetimes. Our ancestors lacked knowledge, danced around fires, hunted for food, and had wild hair. We all come from one period of time, we just advance in separate ways. Those African Americans were beat, enslaved, stacked up like sardines on a boat, and treated worse than bugs in the dirt. How is that sane ? How is that okay ?? If you take away their title , they were people. If you look beyond their color, they were people ! We are blinded by stupid things like : t.v, meaningless music, people’s judgment, magazines and models, and more. We should be blinded by race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, size, and background. Once we see through that, we can actually see the persons for who they really are and what they can bring to the table.

 

Comment with opinions if you would like. 🙂

Seesaws

That saw,

That saw that you seesawed into my heart

Is leaving painful impressions of desperation

That saw had dull edges,

But you kept cutting me with aspiration

You saw my tears creep down

My face and you saw your own reflection

You were hurting me and you loved it

You were violating my body like an infection

Our love,

Rocks back and forth like seesaws in a black forest

It is raining heavily,

And you let me sit there in the thundering light

I was sitting up high, dangerously

Like clouds dangling from a noose

You left the other side low and distant like it was scared of me

The other side was abandoned and dark

Like my soul, it was apart of me

Your words,

Contradict their selves like seesaws

Your mind is like a galaxy

It devours your lies and spits out confusion

You go back and forth, up and down…

do you know what straight is? Your world is made out of fabricated illusions

You will never reach equilibrium- seesaws